Authenticity is the most healing remedy I know. But it doesn’t start out roses and daffodils, with a sultry voice singing you lullabies as you sip the sweet nectar of the gods. Nope. It starts flailing, uncoordinated, verbose in silence and yet silently morose. It starts in the trenches as a fight. But it’s a fight that’s worth every drop of sweat and every blackened bruise.
For me, it started with swallowing a hard pill I couldn’t choke down without help. Honesty. I needed solid mentors in my life that could be transparent with others, honest with themselves and true to every fiber of their being to lead the way. But all this shining light of the people I admire, like Jeff Brown, Panache Desai, Chely Wright, Oprah and Deepak… was just a catalyst.
I had to take action.
I had to change my life.
Hiding who I was was killing me, and living as a fugitive from my own heart was eating my insides to the point of emotional and spiritual death. I couldn’t even fathom at the time that I had painstakingly started on a journey of epic proportions. All I knew, in the depth of my aching soul, is that I would die of inauthenticity if I didn’t escape the harrowing torture. Shame and fear were killing me, well before my medical diagnosis put the exclamation point on the need for a clean slate. Doubt and obsession were close bedfellows, and my life was unmanageably messy as I sulked and shivered under the cold clamp of powerlessness.
I couldn’t be more grateful for that today.
…Today I am free.
Because I broke the chains of people pleasing and self hatred, I know you can too. Have your ever felt like your entire life was someone else’s? Like you were watching some half-slated TV Drama, and you were the fresh face star no one has heard of yet? I have. I’ve heard the canned music and narration, and I’ve said my lines brashly in the full force of my ego. How? I had to drown my heart. The only way to ignore the depth of your soul is to drown it. You can suffocate your own voice for so long you forget what it sounds like. But thank all of divinity, it never goes away.
My name is Paula Verdicchio, and this is my first blogpost for AUTHENTIC PASSION. Why write? Because when I thought I would die of inauthenticity, the words I heard through others, verbally and on paper when I was too broken to leave the house saved me. I believe in love and life and Karma and passing on what is freely given. I am compelled to share this journey with you.
I hope it paves the path for you to share yours with me. Let’s heal together.